One of the most inspiring talks of Mother Angelica was about St. Mark's account on the Feeding of the Five Thousand. She has always encouraged her audience to read the gospel with one's imagination. Here are 7 lessons I learned on suffering from this gospel account.
1. It’s OK to withdraw. “When Jesus heard of the death of John the
Baptist, he withdrew in a boat to a deserted place by himself.” –Mt. 14:13 Jesus
was grieving. The apostles were most likely to be grieving too.
The first two people Jesus called to follow him were first followers of him (Jn. 1:35 - 39). The first one was John and the other was Andrew.
Most of us have had our
share of sorrow and grief when we lost a loved one. And it’s only natural for
us to withdraw, to hide away and mourn. Even if our sufferings are not as bad
as it is, we sometimes feel that it is. Here, the Lord shows us that it is OK to
withdraw, not to shut out the world, but to find God, to seek His counsel, to
come to him like a child who goes to a parent with a scratched knee.
When things get chaotic at home
with the toddler, my control freak self emerges. With so many things to do and
so much more on my mind, it’s pretty hard to keep my composure. I have learned,
just lately to step back, withdraw and take a deep breath when I feel that I’m
about to break.
We know from the gospel reading (see
Mark 6:30-34) that Jesus instructed the apostles to “go to a remote place and have
some rest.” From Matthews account, I’m guessing that Jesus took another boat by
himself.
2. We
must continue to serve God & others. After taking a few deep
breaths, I ask God for guidance and the strength to go on. Of course I cannot
just withdraw and lock myself in a room and just pray that all the chores and
the toddler’s needs to go away. God does not want us to do that. He wants us to
continue to love despite our sufferings.
“When
he disembarked, and saw the vast crowd, his heart was moved with pity for them,
and he cured their sick.” –Mt. 14:14
If you’re a mom with little kids, you
know the feeling of being followed. And sometimes just one toddler could feel
like a crowd. When I ask my tot to play with his toys in the living room while I
cooked in the kitchen which is just six steps away from him, while he sweetly
agrees, I always find him at my feet minutes later, playing with his toys. Imagine
Jesus and the apostles, they were expecting to be alone in a remote place to
rest. But they were greeted by a large crowd, probably larger than the one they
had left because many more came along from the neighboring villages.
Again, in Mark’s account, “(But) the people saw them leaving and many
could guess where they were going. So from all the towns, they hurried there on
foot, arriving ahead of them.” –Mk. 6:33
3.
Do
not overthink. ‘Am I a good parent for letting my two year
old watch a Pixar movie for one hour and forty five minutes?’ ‘If only I bought
an extra set of cloth diapers, I would not be doing the laundry every other
day.’ Most of the time, if not all the time, overthinking gives the devil a
chance to sneak in one or two of his lies. I would often doubt about my
parenting skills or if I can really be a homemaker, you know, all that
mom-stuff in a mom’s head. We need to shake that off.
Most nights I would plan and make activities for my tot and sleep with the resolve to do them all tomorrow. Most
days, however, we’re blessed to have even do one activity. And all my other
plans, B-C-and D are forgotten.
Probably tired and hungry, the apostles
could not help but ask our dear Lord to “--dismiss
the crowds so that they can go to the villages and buy food for themselves.” –Mt.
14:15
They had only plan A. So when Jesus said
to them, “There is no need for them to go
away; give them some food yourselves.” –Mt. 14:16 The apostles were now
faced with a bigger problem. They were probably asking Jesus to send the crowd
away so they could eat their five loaves and two fish. As you can see, even that
would not be enough for all of them including Jesus. If I was there, I’d
probably bring up all the things that were not going my way. First, I am hungry
and tired. Second I will have to share five loaves and two fish with 12 other
men. And now Jesus asks me to feed more than five thousand men and women?
But the apostles were simple men and probably
very hungry to overthink; and were very honest too. Which brings me to number
4.
1.
Be
honest and humble. Tell God you are hurting, you are in physical
pain, that you are burdened. One purpose of suffering is to awaken us toreality.
Remember the parable of the prodigal son? The son was honest enough to admit to
himself that he was wrong and he needed to go back to his father and ask for
forgiveness.
The apostles told Jesus that
“Five loaves and two fish are all we
have.” –Mt. 14:17 They were honest to admit that that was all they have.
When we took our son home
from the orphanage, it has been hard for me in the beginning to be honest with
myself. I believed that I knew everything about taking care of a toddler. After
all, I have been teaching them for several years. I was so wrong. I did not
know everything. With all humility I told the Lord I needed His help. My
struggle to be a good parent has been the subject of trips to the confessional.
I still struggle, I must admit; but the Lord’s grace has moved me to rely on
Him.
2.
Obey.
Jesus
asked the apostles to bring him the five loaves and two fish and they obeyed. The
apostle who handed them to Jesus might have been drooling.
“Then
he said, “Bring them here to me.” –Mt. 14:18
When we submit ourselves to the will of
God, miracles happen. When we separate ourselves from God, that’s when the
trouble begins.
Based from my own experiences, I know
that it is difficult to obey when you are suffering. How can you think clearly
when you are hurting? We ask for the grace to do so.
3.
Put
the needs of others first. While the world tells us that we must
meet our own needs first; Jesus tells us to serve others first.
“and
he ordered the crowds to sit down on the grass. Taking the five loaves and the
two fish, and looking up to heaven, he said the blessing, broke the loaves and
gave them to the disciples, who in turn gave them to the crowds.” –Mt 14:19
Let us not forget that the apostles were
hungry and tired. Yet they gave the crowds loaves first. I wonder how they felt
when they realized that the loaves and fish had been multiplied. How did you
feel when something unexpected happens, especially after or during suffering?
This is probably the lesson the Lord
wants to teach each member in our family now. When my siblings and I were in
our younger years, my mother would ask us to clean our room, fix the clothes in
our closets or help with the dishes. She said that it would help her a lot if
we did our share in the chores. Our hearts were far from the desire to serve
our nearest neighbor, our family. This made Mama unhappy but I know she prayed
about it a lot.
And thank God for her prayers, I have
discovered the joy of serving my family, especially that I have my own.
Nowadays, I cook for both households. We live three houses apart. While Ma and
Pa are busy with the construction of their house, and while my two brothers who
work from home are also busy, I prepare lunch or dinner or sometimes both. I
have also witnessed the transformation in my brothers and I must admit, our
relationships with each other have also changed, for the better of course.
1.
Have
faith. And of course we must have faith. When Jesus handed the
apostles the loaves, they believed that everyone would be fed. When God tells
us to ‘be still’ do we trust Him to work on whatever we ask of him? Or do we do
our own thing just to ‘help God out’ a little?
“They
all ate and were satisfied, and they picked up the fragments left over – twelve
wicker baskets full.” – Mt. 14:20
When we learn to trust in God amidst our suffering, not only will he ease the hurt or pain or burden, but He will surely provide for whatever we need whether it be materially, emotionally or spiritually.
