Flashback: CHRISTMAS 1986
I had just started working for a Japanese
company based in Makati when the season started and part of our company’s
social work was sponsoring a Christmas party at an orphanage, the Asilo de SanVicente de Paul at UN Avenue. We were welcomed warmly by young smiling faces in
their freshly scrubbed clothes lining up the lobby as we made our way inside.
That was my first encounter with orphaned children and
throughout the days’ event, which included song and dance programs, team games
and gift giving, my fellow co - workers and I bonded with the kids as we shared
meals, getting snippets of their touching stories, how they viewed their
situation and a little puzzled by their wonderment as we tell on what we would
otherwise consider as our quite ordinary life. By the time we wrapped up and
were heading out the gate, tears where falling in everyone’s eyes as the kid’s
where crying and pleading “kuya, sama niyo na ako, kunin niyo na ako” (translation: 'older brother, I want to go with you, take me with you.') as we
left. Looking out from the window of our bus as it made its way out of the
gate, we waved our goodbyes and somehow felt that we could do more, as we
looked forward to a now more appreciated routine life.
FATHER’S DAY 2016
Surrounded by kids mostly too young to
talk and some actually just starting to crawl, I, my wife and my 3 children
share a cake with them in what has already been quite a tradition for the past
6 years, that on Father’s day, I become a father to them, on Mother’s day the
orphans have my wife as a mother, and on other special occasions or just random
days when our busy schedules permit, we find ourselves in the orphanage where
we got our first adopted child, our second son. Often enough as I look at their
faces, I am reminded of the kids that I encountered 3 decades ago, so welcoming
and appreciative of the attention we have given, lending proof to the adage
that indeed the best gift you could give to a child is time. Stress reliever is
how my wife amply puts it as she helps around the feeding, my kids play with
their ‘brothers’ and ‘sisters’, as I carry and make funny faces with the
babies.
THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON
In 2008 my wife and I have been
married for 9 years and we have a son Bridge, who had turned 8. Sitting in the
developmental doctor’s clinic, as he finished up his yearly assessment for our
son who has autism, perhaps seeing first hand our personal struggle, aware that
we have tried all medical, spiritual and mythical ways to have another child
and knowing him personally as our neighbor, he concluded with a suggestion that
we consider adoption, so we can experience how it is to have a normal child and
family, “para matikman niyo naman kung paano magkaroon ng normal na anak at
pamilya” his exact words.
Hearing this, my wife and I had a serious discussion back
home, that also took into account the future prospects of our son. It is during
this talk that I recounted my above experience with the Christmas parties our
office had at the orphanage as my wife also shared that she has a cousin who
was adopted. To test a hypothetical decision that we are slowly veering to, we
took a trip back to the Asilo de San Vicente de Paul orphanage which brought
back deep feelings to me and upon consultation with a staff there, took her
advice that led us to the doors of the DSWD region 4 office at Alabang.
Participating in the seminar that is the first step in the
process, confirmed our decision. Soon enough we proceeded with the necessary
papers to affect our legal adoption.
THE FIRST TIME EVER I SAW YOUR FACE
The much anticipated
day has come, accepting the first boy that was matched to us with no
reservations, we eagerly took the trip to the orphanage to fetch our boy. Along
the way, my wife and I wondered how it will feel like to see him, hold him, for
the first time… will it be the same as the birth of our child? Will there be as
they say a “lukso ng dugo”? A very Pinoy expression that fails a proper English
translation.
And so, there he sat at the play area, and as he looked up
at us with those eyes, our question was answered. Holding him with tears of
joy, we knew that in our arms is someone that we will do everything in the
world to nurture, educate protect and love. We called him Blake.
THIRD TIME’S A CHARM
After 3 years, buoyed by the generally
encouraging response and acceptance of our family and friends as well the
lovable experience we were having with our two sons, my wife being an only
child and I having only one sibling, longed for a big family, and so we had our
third child, our second adoption, this time a girl. Bianca is my wife’s clone,
after living with three boys (me included) she finally has someone she can do
girl stuff with. Watching them I just realize how men are from Mars and women
are from Venus, and if Tess had two Mama’s Boys, I now have my very own Daddy’s
Girl.
THE BIG QUESTION
As I finalize writing this, having driven
my sons B1 and B2 as I fondly call the kids, B3 is helping her mommy prepare
for the office as she herself will be driven to school later. Since my business
is mostly weekends we have scheduled our routines to complement each other and
while doing away with a yaya (nanny) and househelp can be very tiring, it has given us
the opportunity to be hands on with our kids. They are growing up confidently
as we have very early on agreed not to hide their being adopted, bringing them
regularly to the orphanage and to the Adoption Family Group party, to see that
they are many, that they do have peers.
We tell them how their biological parents made the sacrifice
so that they will have a better life, and so they must study hard. It is our
idea that the best arm, is the truth. However, we have to confess that although
we have prepared ourselves for the day when our son will finally talk about
that ‘subject’, my wife was momentarily caught off guard. He asked “Do I look
like my original mom?” Original mom being a term that he himself came up with,
maybe because at age 4 he can’t pronounce biological which we used. Finally
catching her breath my wife answered “Yes you look like your original mom, but
you do look similar to your daddy” referring to me. Actively participating in
his sisters adoption also wizened him up. Sometimes he will unexpectedly ask
deep questions, always to his mom (true blue mama’s boy) like “Why did God put
me in the orphanage”? Disarming and at the same time assuring that he can talk
about it with us and sometimes we even hear him lecturing his sister about it.
One of the questions always put up by people with regards to adoption is “How
can you love someone that is not your blood”? Our adopted kids constantly make
us feel that YES, they can love us, just as unconditionally.
TODAY 2016
I am now 52 years old while my wife has turned
45. Never did we imagine that at this age when most of our age bracket have
grandchildren that we will still be chasing after kids, picking them up even if
our backs ache when they fall, carrying them when they are tired, getting
migraine from all the shouting and the noise, tidying up after their games,
controlling our temper when they make mistakes, putting effort to teach them
right and answer their endless questions. My wife and I even have a running
joke where we ask each other, “Whose bright idea was this anyway”! But
seriously, after we have tucked them in for bedtime, we look at them and have a
fulfilling sigh, we see bright possibilities and look at another day’s job well
done.
FLASHBACK: CHRISTMAS 1986
As our bus makes it’s way out the gates of
the orphanage we waved our goodbyes and somehow felt that we could do more…
little did I know.